You get a referral from someone you just met by getting them talking about themselves first. Then you ask one question that makes them think about their own role, and you follow it with a specific story they can see themselves in. Whether they refer you is their decision, and we can’t control that ever. We get to invite them to make that decision by proving you’re someone worth trusting.
Why do people who know me refer me, while strangers just say “that’s nice”?
A revenue strategist brought this one up on the show. Fractional CFOs and HR people who know her hear her client story and say, “I know exactly who to introduce you to.” People who don’t know her hear the same story, say “that’s nice,” and don’t engage.
Every time someone sees you, you’re laying in more trust as the relationship builds. A stranger doesn’t have any of that yet. They can tell you know what you’re talking about, but they still have to make the next leap, and that’s where the trust has to get closed: where can I use this person in my organization or a friend’s organization?
Am I talking about my business too soon?
Maybe you’re getting too quickly to the stories. The best way to build trust with someone is to get them talking about themselves and their business.
So start there. “Nice to meet you. Tell me about what you do. Tell me what you’re good at.” Just learn.
Get to know them as much as you can, so you can categorize what you say next based on who they are and who they help.
How much detail should I give when someone asks what I do?
This is the whole forest and trees idea. If you get too granular with someone in the first conversation, they’re not really sure how to help you. If you’re too zoomed out, they can’t connect the dots to their organization or someone else’s.
Her opener was solid: “I help organizations make more money without having to increase their spend.” That usually gets a “how do you do that?” Her follow-up was “taking what you already have and making it work better,” and that follow-up didn’t speak to trust.
What question can I ask that gets a stranger thinking?
Her provocative point is that every role touches revenue. Her worry was that owners hear it as “you’re doing something wrong.” We don’t want to admit that we’re doing something wrong, but we do want the problem solved.
So turn the point into a question about them. “This might sound a little bit out of left field, but how do you affect revenue?” Ask that of a fractional HR person or a CTO and they’re going to stop and look at you like a deer in the headlights.
“What do you mean?” opens the door for you to explain your point using their job as the example.
What kind of story makes a stranger remember me?
Go specific. Tell a story they can insert themselves into as the main character.
Hers was a client with three services and three audiences that looked identical on paper but were buying for completely different reasons. They changed the language in the radio ads and on the website for each one, and the quality of the leads went up.
Then add one example nobody expects. She uses the facilities manager who forgot to clean the bathroom, which puts the CFO in a bad mood that he carries into the conference room with his team.
What should I do this week?
Here’s the homework.
First, take your provocative point and rewrite it as a question about the other person. Hers became “How do you affect revenue?” Ask yours in your next networking conversation, after you’ve learned what they do.
Second, pick one recent client story with real specifics, and one unexpected example like the facilities manager. Have both ready to go.
Third, re-share one news story this week with your angle on it. Two or three sentences on how this seemingly unrelated story connects to your point, plus what to do about it.
This came from Businessing with Pat Miller. Watch the full June 2, 2026 episode.
More on this topic: Getting clients answers from the Small Business Owners Community